Self confidence destroyed,

Ow.

Another Night of Contemplation

Yeas well everyone goes to sleep and here I am again. Although it is 2am. People are allowed to sleep. I just miss the old days when there would be someone who stayed up for you and stuff. It is times like this that it's good to talk stuff out and I wish I was not so delayed in asking for help, then perhaps people would not have gone to sleep. Just as I attempted to open up they announced sleep time so.. that's the way it is. I predict a sleepless night full of deep thought. Deep thought indeed. Deep thought.

Remember Your Training, And You Will Make It Back Alive.

So, I'm not really sure where I stand with things today. But I have just woken up to be fair.

I have worked out most of the Starship Troopers Theme. Which as far as I can determine is called Klendathu Drop by one Basil Poledouris. With Ant I intend to make a sort of rock cover of it. I'm surprised it hasn't already been accomplished on Youtube, but I can find no trace of any attempt. Who knows, we may be the first, let's not muck it up :)

Life seems to be going well for people for the most part, so that's good. I have been playing a decent amount of CSS. Tis good fun. And on that note...
Gaming in general has spiralled upward in recent years. As a life-long gamer this pleases me greatly. So many people I know are into it now. It is beautiful :D

Anyway, guitar calls. Farewell for now.

Fun and Games

Well I am here writing half an hour before I must leave for work. Yesterday I spent the day with my family in Great Yarmouth, riding the rides, seeing the sights, eating the double decker burgers of steaky goodness. And I think to myself, this is a good life. There is no drama, fewer things to worry about, and it feels really good. But saying that, I do enjoy talking to people on msn.

Speaking of people, I have seen some things recently that really do tick me off. Are people blind? Or are they just ridiculously foolish. Do they not have standards? People cheating on each other ladies and gentlemen. I am seeing it more and more and it's distressing. Is one person not enough for some. It would appear not.
Don't get me wrong, if you're not in a relationship, have all the fun you want. But if you are, what the hell are you thinking? Nobody deserves that. Also, some people are flirty and want sex and fun but then complain they can find nobody to commit to. Which I find most amusing.
It is possible that I am simply setting the bar too high again with high expectations of people, my illusion of a Utopia, or rather, my own version of a Utopia is really what guides me most of the time.

But anyway I'm going to stop ranting for now, for I must go shower. Take care of each other.

The Ring-tailed Leemur of Sacrifice

You know a weird thought popped into my head yesterday. I saw a ring-tailed leemur sitting on a branch. He simply sat there, looking around. Then he launched himself off the branch and exploded. And so was born the ring-tailed leemur of sacrifice. The most deadly of all nature's creations.

Well Adryan has left. Quite an interesting week in all. We got drunk on a pub crawl and randomly bumped into my mum's boss. She bought us a drink. We went on to make a friend called Big Dave. We went with him and some other randoms to a new pub. After which we went home, meeting many a slut along the way. I made it home with my morales safe.
But I lost my mobile phone battery some how. Must've dropped my phone. Today I got a new phone battery for £10. A price I was most pleased about. It was surprisingly difficult without it. I didn't realise how much I texted to be honest. And now I can listen to music while I'm out WOOO.

We went swimming this morning. Adryan's fastest lap was just over 20 seconds. Mine was 30 seconds. I was pleased to get within 10 seconds of his time to be honest :) Him being a life guard and me being a lazy slob recently.

In other news, I learnt Broken Strings by James Morrison on guitar. I am in love with that song, tis addictive. His voice is quite lovely, I am envious. My grade 7 stuff proceeds smoothly, should have that done soon and then be getting on with grade 8, which is the highest level rockschool award. Once I have that I will be very happy and probably very confident about playing in front of others. For me that grade 8 certificate is the main goal right now.

My sister bought a PSP recently and because I owned one many a year ago, I showed her everything about it. I had forgotten I knew it in such detail, even the most obscure features. It was a nice flashback.
I've seen a lot of people playing Guitar Hero recently and it makes me smile, especially watching people's progress. It's fun stuff, one of my friends believes he may be close to reaching my level. I am doubtful, but I welcome his attempts. Few people will play that game with me anymore, they get a bit fed up :P

There are beer bottles everywhere, good times :P I'd best clean up a bit.

People. Are. Disappointing. Or am I?

I'm not even going to explain it. It's not really worth whining but I need to get something out of me by writing this. I should not be surprised that the world isn't right but still. And then, then when you try to do the right thing, you'll get shouted at, ignored, destroyed. And then you'll wonder if the right thing is really the right thing. And if perhaps you should be taking a different perspective, doing things differently, acting differently.
I suppose we all hate or at least dislike ourselves sometimes. That is what I currently feel. And some people blame this for the way I acted sometimes. When in reality it is they who are the reason I act that way. And it is they who make me wish I were somebody else. So nice guys finish last, and the real test is if you stay strong and all that jazz.
I used to pride myself on my attempts to be loyal, morally upright and all that jazz but I am beginning to wonder if it's all a bit in vain really. And I'm not saying I want to go all the way down the line and commit crimes and cheat and stuff. I just think I might be a bit tightly wound, so I might loosen up and stop trying to be the Guardian and stuff. Take care.

I don't really know how many people read this, but here goes.

I have serious problems at this time and I do not enjoy burdening others with them so, even though they may be apparant at times. And I am unable to tell some about them. And those that know I have driven away. I am not happy with myself. Not happy at all. It is all a repetition of the past. I am going for a walk.